Which is proper you ask? Well, that depends on WHO you ask. To some parents is extremely offensive if you call their child autistic. It is “labeling” them. To me… it is merely one in the same. I have bigger fish to fry then to spend time complaining how you want to label my daughter's condition. Whether you call her autistic or say she has autism, it's still the same dang thing. She still has it and it is not going to change the diagnosis if you call it one or the other. So don’t feel as though you have to walk on eggshells with me when talking about autism or autistic children or when referring to Katlynn. Honestly, I don’t give a damn which one you want to use to describe her. I am just happy to hear when people are interested in talking about her condition.
Unfortunately not all parents have come to terms with their child's condition so it is utterly offensive to define their child by the condition; autistic child. They tend to prefer child with autism. I get that so in my profession I always say child with autism, because you never know who you are up against. To these folks I offer this poem:
ReplyDeleteWelcome To Holland
by
Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
Couple of comments:
ReplyDelete1) It's SOOOO funny that the other poster posted that poem. I was JUST telling someone about it today... and I think it's a great way to describe the situation... I first came into contact with it on a micropreemie board and it fits that situation well, too.
2) Thanks for telling people what's ok to say to you... not that it's really ever been a concern of mine! :O) I think that people get too caught up in not knowing what to do when difficult situations arise in life... few people realize that it's highly likely that if you come from a place of concern and love it's rarely NOT well-received!
Keep up the good bloggin'!